My Solace
by Pari
Summary: Reese is having a hard time dealing when old 'ghost' reappear, Carter tries to help him through. Please R&R!
1. Chapter 1

"Thank you for meeting us, Detective Carter," Finch said as he and Shaw, who stood a couple of feet away scanning the surrounding to make sure they were alone, stood before Carter in the dimly lit area of the park.

"It's 'Officer' Carter now Finch, or just Carter is fine." Carter corrected the small framed man before her. "What's this about, why are we meeting after midnight about a number?"

"Sorry for the late hour and the odd meeting place, but this new number is in the covert business himself and we have to take extra care with his surveillance to ensure that he doesn't discover us. Well at least not until we can figure out who wants to do him harm, or whom he is out to harm." Finch began explaining but could tell by Carter's expression that he'd most likely have to give details about other matters that he felt didn't really concern her.

"OK but why are you needing me to do surveillance, isn't that usually what John and Shaw do?

"Yeah that's what I said," Shaw cut in as she looked briefly over her shoulder to scowl at Finch. "Just because Reese is M.I.A. doesn't mean I can't handle surveillance on my own." Finch rolled his eyes closed and inwardly groaned at Shaw's tact or lack there of. He planned to have a serious talk with Mr. Reese about her working with them, when Reese returned, if he returned.

"John's missing?" Carter asked her concern evident on her face.

"No, I know exactly where Mr. Reese is, he's just..." Finch paused as he searched for the right wording. "Indisposed at the moment."

"Yeah, Reese has been 'indisposed' all week, and I've been doing all the surveillance and I thought I was doing a damn good job of it too, we've closed every case that we've had." Shaw said as she now faced them with her arms crossed at her chest with her angry scowl still locked onto Finch.

"Yes and on every case someone has been shot unnecessarily, Ms. Shaw," Finch barked back at the trained assassin and impressed both ladies with his balls.

"No one died," Shaw mumbled out. With a slight shake of his head Finch turned from Shaw and focused back onto Carter.

"As you can see Det...Officer Carter, we are in need of your assistance until Reese is well enough to return to work."

"Wait so John is sick?"

"That really is not important..." Finch began but Carter cut him off.

"Really Finch? I thought John was your friend, but you don't seem to care very much for his well-being." She spat out suddenly irritated at the man standing before her.

"Oh I care Detective," Finch replied reverting back to the title he had become accustomed to calling her by, Carter didn't care to object on it. "I care very much but Mr. Reese has personal things that he needs to work through. These thing I cannot help him through, believe me I have tried and got a bullet close to my head for my efforts." This revelation made Carter's face bunch up in confusion while Shaw's face held an uncharacteristic amused look.

"Where is he?" Carter asked as she pulled her arms from the pocket of the leather jacket she wore and then placed them across her chest, as she readied herself for a fight with Finch over telling her John's whereabouts. She always found it funny how the man had no issues telling her business and other people's business, but when it came to him and John no one else was allowed to know their business.

"I don't think going to John would be very wise. Besides I really do need you to 'help' Shaw," He said this as he stiffly turned to briefly look to the other woman to his right.

"He means babysit me so I don't shoot anyone 'unnecessarily'." Shaw proclaimed with the roll of her eyes.

"Finch, send John's location to my phone," Carter commanded to Finch before focusing on Shaw. "Shaw don't shoot anybody unless you have to and I mean a dire straits situation." Again Shaw huffed a bit as she rolled her eyes from Carter off to the side.

"Fine," Shaw sighed out. She had grown to respect Carter and for some reason Carter's opinion of her mattered, and definitely more so than Finch's and even Reese's to some degree. Shaw had never had girlfriends growing up, no friends actually. She liked Carter and had come to view Carter as a friend.

"Thank you," Carter said throwing the younger woman a slight smile, knowing that Shaw would be a woman of her word. "Finch I'm still waiting on that location." She said as she held up her phone to him.

"Very well," Finch spoke as he grasped his own phone and began texting her. "I am sending you the address to Mr. Reese's apartment and the security code for the building and the elevator to his loft. That message will self destruct in an hour, but that will be plenty of time for you to get to Mr. Reese. Don't say I didn't try to warn you about his...Behavior."

"Did you seriously just reference Mission Impossible?" Shaw asked in mirth, though she knew Finch would ignore her, but she also knew that she was still getting under his skin a bit.

"Do you know what is causing his 'behavior'?" Carter asked as she studied the address and security codes on her phone, to save them to memory.

"Jessica," Finch answer without further probing, he was actually relieved to have someone else in the know who could try to reach Reese.

"Who's Jessica?" Shaw questioned but was ignored by both Finch and Carter, neither would disclose 'that' information to Shaw, that would be left to Reese to do if he so chose.

"Monday was the anniversary..." Finch continued.

"Got it," Carter cut him off as she pursed her lips, cast her eyes to the ground, and nodded her head a bit. "Ok, I'll check in on John and if Shaw needs backup, call Fusco. Though you might have to bribe him with something really nice 'and' expensive to get him to work with Shaw again." She threw out with a smirk at Shaw, who smiled back at her, before she turned to leave.

"Indeed," Finch mumbled as he arched his brow and looked to the woman still standing before him.

"I don't need a babysitter I said I wouldn't shoot anyone...who didn't really deserve it," Shaw stated as she looked at the retreating back of Finch who had already started walking away. "And who is this Jessica what does she have to do with Reese going M.I.A.. Is she someone I 'need' to shoot?" She called out as she began to follow Finch's steps.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: So here is the next installment of my latest POI fic, sorry it was a bit rushed, I hope it flows well and you still enjoy the read. Please R&R

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He drew the gun that he had placed beside him at the sound of the elevator moving. He was sure it was Finch again. The last time he had stopped by to 'reason' with Reese about locking himself away in a drunken stupor, Reese had fired off a warning shot into the door frame that Finch stood next to. It had been enough to scare the weaker man off, but apparently not for long. Finch sure was brave when he believed in something, Reese thought as he smirked and then gulped down another shot of vodka right from the bottle.

"John," Carter called out as she opened the gated outer door of the elevator, but before she stepped from the elevator. She knew it wouldn't be a good idea to just barge in without some kind of announcement beforehand. "It's Carter," Reese placed the gun back down at his side. He sat the empty bottle he held back atop the table before him, reached for one that was half empty, and took a huge swig from it and finished it off. He savored the burn of it as it swept down his throat and settled in the pit of his stomach.

"Sorry Carter I'm not up for visitors right now," He finally called out to her. At hearing his slightly slurred voice Carter decided to fully enter the loft. She scanned the room until her eyes fell onto the raggedy man seated on the toffee colored leather couch with the multi-colored throw pillows. She couldn't help but to mentally note how out of place he looked in the expensively decorated apartment. "Nice place you have here...you look like hell." Reese chuckled a moment before he lifted another vodka bottle with a small amount of alcohol in it, up in an imaginary toast before he put the opening to his lips again and took a gulp. Carter took steps closer to the table where she saw piles of empty liquor bottles and beer cans. "What are you doing John, trying to drink yourself into a coma?" She asked the rhetorical question, and she got the reply she had expected, which was no reply at all. "Finch told me about Jessica."

"Finch doesn't know a goddamn thing about Jessica, and neither do you, so don't you speak her name." Reese spoke in a menacing tone, his glassy, blood shot eyes held a deadly gleam.

"I know that Monday was the anniversary of her death," Carter continued though she took a defensive stance just in case Reese decided to react in his angry inebriated state. Seeing him in this current state put her on edge just as much as it worried her.

"You mean her murder." He corrected before finishing off the bottle he held. Carter nodded her head at him as she watched him set the emptied bottle on the table top and then searched for another.

"You're right, she was murdered and you took care of the person who murdered her. I check in on him from time to time in that Mexican prison you got him a VIP pass to." Carter said around a slight smile. "He's not doing so great, last month he had to have reconstructive surgery to his rectum, after being elected the cellblock bitch." That garnered a huge smile from Reese, more genuine then Carter could ever recall seeing on his face.

"Are you looking for sympathy from me?" Reese asked as he eyed the remaining empty liquor bottles on the table before he moved to stand. "I wanted to kill him, I intended to kill him..." He spoke out as he stood from the couch and swayed a bit before he found steady footing. "I didn't kill him for 'you'." He said point blank as he looked Carter dead on. She looked away, unable to hold the intense gaze and hear the confirmation about what she had already suspected. It was because of her and not Finch or some inner moral compass within John that had made him not Kill Jessica's husband. Though she wasn't sure the alternative had been better and now she knew she'd feel true guilt about the man's plight. "I was trying to do right by you...trying to be a good man."

"I know that John, and you are a good man." Carter had truly come to believe that statement in the past year.

"No I'm not," He declared around a chuckle as he made his way to the Kitchen at the other end of the loft. Carter followed him a few paces back, still not daring to get too close to him. "I handed her to him, pushed her into the arms of her murderer." He spoke as he opened one of the lower cabinets in search of something, Carter suspected it was more alcohol.

"John..." She called out softly to him her eyes watering up at the distraught and lost look on his face as he looked back at her.

"The last time I saw her she was already engaged, but she wanted me to tell her to wait for me...three simple fucking words ' .me', and I couldn't say them. At least not to her face." He slammed the cabinet door with enough force that the hinge broke and the action caused Carter to jump a little where she stood. Reese noticed her reaction out of the corner of his eye as he bent down to open another cabinet and continued his search. "You should leave now, Carter."

"No," Carter said defiantly. "John I hate seeing you like this...again. Granted you aren't as unshaven or smelly as the first time we met, but you are just as intoxicated," She tried to joke recalling the first time she had met him in the interrogation room at her precinct. When he didn't look amused she took a more serious tone. "You are not to blame for what Jessica's husband did to her. It was her choice to marry him."

"Because I didn't give her the way out that she was asking me for," Reese barked out as he stood upright his search suddenly forgotten. "And I wanted to Joss...I wanted to be with her so badly, but I thought I was protecting her from me, from the man that I was."

"It was still 'her' choice John, she chose to marry that man and then she chose to stay with him even though he was abusing her." Reese's brow bunched up at her words as if he was thinking on what she was telling him, and feeling she was somehow getting through Carter continued. "You have to stop blaming yourself for what happened to her. The true person at fault is paying for what he did, take solace in knowing that you made him pay for it."

"How did you know that he abused her?" He asked as his angry eyes rested upon Carter again. For a moment she didn't respond but she did hold his gaze this time. Finally she reached into her coat pocket and pulled out the picture she had purposely brought with her and had been holding onto. She hadn't found the right moment to give it to him, and even though a part of her brain scream that this was definitely not the moment it didn't stop her actions. She held out the picture that showcased a smiling and seemingly happy Jessica and John together. Reese's eyes instantly latched onto the image before him.

"I went and spoke with Jessica's mother. It was when Agent Donnelly was desperately looking for you and I was trying to run interference. He was so sure that you were tied to Jessica but after speaking with Jessica's mother for a bit, Donnelly decided it was a dead end to finding you and so did I, to tell you the truth. But I was sure that Peter Arndt had killed his wife, Jessica, and made it look an accident, and I wanted some kind evidence to prove it. So Donnelly left but I stayed and continued speaking with Jessica's mom for a bit more, and she allowed me to look through some of Jessica's things. That's when I found this." Carter stretched the picture out further towards him. "She was very beautiful John and I'm sure she wouldn't want you to..." Her words were quickly cut off as the wind was knocked from her lungs due to her back being slammed forcefully against the wall behind her. Her airway restricted by the arm suddenly pressed firmly against her throat. Carter clutched at the crazed man in front of her, a man she had come to think of and call her friend, as she struggled to breathe.

"She doesn't get a say, she's fucking dead!" Reese growled out his full blown anger evident on his face, and in his eyes, his rough touch. His strong alcohol laced breath burned up what little air Carter could suck in. Her eyes doubled in size as she stared at Reese with disbelief, fear, and anger. Acting on pure survival instinct she brought her right foot up and gave Reese a swift, strong kick to his left leg, which caused him to buckle enough for her to then reach up and grasp the offending arm at her throat, remove it, and then twist it behind his back. Carter then shoved him away from her, and he crumbled to the floor. She was sure that she probably wouldn't have been able to do such a move had he been in fighting form. She hurriedly stepped back, putting some distance between them, enough room to draw her gun if she had too. She didn't want to shoot him, but she would most definitely wound him in the leg or shoulder if he came at her again in a threatening manner.

"Don't you ever put your hands on me like that again John, not if you want to remain my friend." Carter huffed out in between the deep gulps of air she was trying to take in. She glared down at the man now curled up motionless on the floor. "You think you're the only one who has ever lost someone they loved...huh? You think you're the only one to have someone you love murdered senselessly? To feel guilt over it? My husband spent a year on tour in Iraq fighting for this country and his feet hadn't been back onto American soil for more than 6 months before he was gunned down at some bodega. And he was only there because I was pregnant with Taylor and craving a certain kind of ice cream that only that store carried." Carter confessed something that she had never before disclosed to anyone not even the police officers who had come to her door that night to tell her that her husband had been shot during an arm robbery. Her tears flowed free from the sudden anger welling up in her and over the guilt she still felt after so many years. "My son never got to know his father because of me," She spat out around a sob and Reese turned his own tear stained face to look up at her. "So please stop your fucking pity party now John, because you don't have the market cornered on lost love and guilt trips." She then turned to storm out of the apartment not caring in that moment if he drank himself to death. She had just made it to the outer elevator door when she felt strong yet gentle hands on her shoulders, turning her. "Let go of me..." She demanded as she tried to no avail to shove Reese off, while she wiped at her eyes.

"I'm sorry Joss." He pressed her back against the elevator's caged outer door and moved closer into her space. He bent his head to the side a bit and looked down at her desperate to gain her gaze.

"Don't touch me," Carter said lowly as she pushed at his chest as more tears spilled from her eyes despite her attempts to stop them. She purposely averted her eyes from his by turning her head to the side, not wanting him to see her cry. John had come to discover that Carter was a lot like him when it came to showing emotions, it was hard for the two former soldiers to show any open signs of weakness. Especially in front of the enemy, and John knew due to his earlier actions that she deemed him the 'enemy' at this moment.

"I'm so sorry for hurting you," Reese spoke in a more hushed tone as he deflected her rejection to him pulling her into his arms, and hugging her securely to his chest. "I'm sorry that I caused you pain, Joss. Forgive me, please forgive me." He begged as he held her close and kissed the top of her head. At hearing his sorrowful pleas for forgiveness Carter stopped fighting him and melted into his arms, wrapped her own arms around his waist, and allowed him to hold up her full weight.

"Only if you forgive yourself John," She said after a moment as she pulled back a bit and looked up at him. "Jessica's death really wasn't your fault and you can't shut down like this every time you think about her, and the guilt hits. Trust me I've tried and it doesn't work, especially not when you have others in the world depending on you. I had Taylor, a beautiful little baby who needed me," She spoke to him as he pulled his right hand from around her waist and began to wipe the tears from her face. "And there are a lot of people depending on you. You have Finch who needs your help, all those people whose number will come up...and me...I need you too John." Reese closed his eyes at hearing those last words fall from Carter's lips. When he opened them again he did something unexpected and out of character for them, he swiftly moved in and captured her lips in a kiss.

Carter's surprise at feeling Reese's mouth upon hers, his tongue brushing against her bottom lip, seeking entrance was short lived. She hastily parted her lips and allowed him in, and instead of being repulsed by the taste of stale alcohol on his tongue she seemed to be intoxicated herself by it, sucking gently at his tongue with mutual fervor. When she let a slow moan of pleasure escape her lips, Reese took that as a welcoming sign and pressed Carter's body more into the caged door, as he rubbed his own body up against hers. The kiss became more heated, more intense, and more wonton as the seconds ticked by. It was the feel of Reese's large hand on her backside that brought Carter back to her senses. The feel of her body growing weightless as he lifted her from the floor caused her to support her weight by wrapping her legs around his thighs. At feeling Reese's very evident arousal sensually thrusting against her apex, Carter pulled herself from their kiss.

"No...John, what are we doing," She protested while pushing against his chest firmly as he moved back in to regain possession of her lips. "No, stop...we can't do this," She stated as he finally settled her back onto the floor, but didn't remove himself from her personal space. "This is not what 'we' do." She spoke as she shook her head slightly while waving her hand back and forth between their bodies.

"We could rectify that." Reese replied as he swooped back in and kissed her again. Carter lost herself for a split second before she sharply turned her head, breaking the kiss again.

"Mmmmm...no, no John." She shook her head and held up her hand, this time Reese did take a step back from her, to literally give her breathing room. "Both of our emotions are running high right now, and you...you're a bit drunk."

"Aww Carter are you afraid you're taking advantage of me in my drunken state? I can assure you I do not mind." He took a step closer only to have Carter gently shove him backward again, as a smile played on her lips. A part of her liked the knowledge that Reese wanted her sexually, even if she told herself that they could never act on that want.

"I don't want things to be 'odd' between us, no more than it already is anyway. So I'm going to leave now, and you should shower, sleep, and report to work tomorrow. Finch is really worried about you." She spoke as she reached behind her back and grasped the latch of the gated door of the elevator as if she were afraid to turn her back on the aroused man before her.

"You know I have this spot on my back that's really hard to reach..." Reese said playfully with a smirk on his face and Carter couldn't help but to return the smile. She was very glad to see some semblance of Reese as he usually was, stone cold yet humorous and flirty at times.

"Then you should invest in a back scrubber." She threw back at him. "You gonna be ok?" She asked in a more somber tone.

"Yeah, I'm going to be ok." He said as he nodded his head,feeling more sober and lucid than he had all week. "I'm going to sober up and then clean up a bit..." He then looked about the living area and then corrected himself. "Ok clean up a lot." They both chuckled a bit at his assessment. "Joss I really am sorry for grabbing you...if I hurt you..." She quickly waved off his apology.

"Just never do it again."

"On that you have my word. Thank you...for sharing your story with me...for just being here for me. I truly appreciate that you care."

"That's what friends are for." Carter declared as she opened the gated door of the elevator and stepped inside the elevator.

"Right...'friends'," Reese repeated but in a sarcastic tone that Carter quickly took note of but decided it was a discussion best left for another day.

"Goodnight John," She said as she pulled the gated door of the elevator closed and latched it. Reese pressed himself to the gate, gripping his fingers through the links.

"Goodnight Joss," He said in return as he honed intense eyes onto her, and she squirmed a bit under the intense scrutiny. She then pushed the button causing the elevator to begin it's descent. Once she was out of Reese's view she crumbled back to the elevator wall and lifted shaky fingers to her slightly swollen lips as she replayed what had just happened between her and Reese, but dwell more on the thoughts of what could have happened. She had felt it the second something had shifted in their relationship, she just hoped that the change that had occurred didn't result in a negative reaction or strained interaction between them later.


	3. Chapter 3 (Intermission)

Author's Note: Thank you for the reviews guys, glad you are liking the story so far. This is a real short 'morning after' scene, totally filler. Just something that popped in my head and I had to put pen to paper. Think of it as a transitional point in the story. Stay tuned, there's more to come, just not sure what yet since I tend to write off the top of my head :D Please R&R!

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Carter turned suddenly when she heard the passenger side door of her vehicle open. She then instinctually placed her hand on the gun strapped to her waist. She silently sighed in relief and then in the same instance panicked all anew at seeing the man who had slid into the passenger seat, closing the passenger side door after him. There was a pregnant pause where she sat looking at the man while he sat looking straight ahead. His eyes weren't focused on anything specific yet they took in everything about their surroundings.

"Coffee?" Reese finally spoke as he held out the steaming cup to Carter.

"Thanks," She replied and then it got awkwardly silent again as they each stared ahead and sipped at their coffees. "Glad to see you back to work...you are back right. That's why you're here, you need some help with your latest number?" Carter spoke out breaking the uncomfortable silence between them.

"Yeah I'm working the numbers again," Reese stated as he nodded his head slightly. "Thanks to a friend pulling me out of a very dark place." He added as he turned and stared at her head on. She tossed him a kind, sweet, welcoming smile. His eyes dropped to the bruise on her neck that peeked out through the blouse she wore, and he became filled with guilt and anger. "Are you ok?" He asked and she threw him a puzzled look. "I'm really sorry that I hurt you Joss." It was then that she realized what he was referring to.

"Its fine, I'm fine so don't start guilt tripping again," She said dismissively as she put the cup to her lips again and took another sip of her coffee. "Besides, it hurt my feelings more than anything else," She mumbled out as she stared out the windshield at the people crossing at the curb of Taylor's high school where she was parked, having just dropped him off. She jumped slightly at the feel of Reese's calloused fingers brushing across the tender skin on her neck. She turned and stared at his face as he stared at the bruise.

"I told you I'm a bad man, Joss and people tend to get hurt around me, especially people I care about." He spoke in a hushed voice.

"C'mon John, you were out of it, not only from your demons over Jessica but you were drunk off your ass." She stated. "So, I don't hold you too accountable for your actions yesterday. You probably don't remember most of what you did or said." She threw out as she nervously took another sip of coffee and averted her eyes from him. A flash of their passionate moment in his apartment popped in her mind.

"Yeah a lot of it was a blur," He agreed with a nod of his head. His words filled Carter with disappointment but she just kept staring forward and drinking her coffee. "But I do vividly remember lilac and strawberries. Those two things seem to be burned into my senses now." Reese said as he bunched his brow a bit as if he was deep in thought about it, and Carter did the same as she turned to regard him.

"Lilac and strawberries?" She repeated with a scrunched up face, thinking it a bit strange. "Well I didn't see nor smell either while I was at your place, the smell of alcohol was too prominent." She arched a brow and chuckled at her words and then took another sip off the coffee. She hadn't seen Reese's next move coming and so she was momentarily stunned to feel him lean across and capture her lips with his own. As his right hand clutched at the left side of Carter's head, holding her close, her left hand gripped his right arm. They both became lost in the kiss for several sensual moan filled seconds. It was the need for air that finally made Reese pull back a bit. When Carter slowly opened her eyes she discovered Reese's face a few inches from hers, staring intensely into her wide eyes.

"I may have been a bit drunk, Joss but I don't think I'll ever forget how good you smell and how sweet you taste." He said softly and Carter couldn't stop the smile that tugged at the corners of her mouth at hearing his accolades. Reese then threw her a wink and slanted smirk before he pulled away from her, and opened the door to exit the vehicle. Once he was out of the car and had closed the door Carter called out to him.

"Wait, didn't you need my help on a number?" She asked having assumed that that had been his original intent when he had first entered her car.

"No," He replied and shook his head a bit as he leaned down and looked into the window at her. "But if I do I'll call you." With that he walked away and quickly lost himself within the bustling crowd. Carter stared after him even after she had lost sight of him. She traced her fingers across her lips as she thought on Reese's bold move, and what was to come next in their relationship.


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: Ok here's the next chappy. It will get a bit intense and probably sappy at times. The characters may seem out of character to some, I apologize but sometimes that must happen when we fic writers try to write the story 'we' envision. If my writing style is't your cup of tea then I can only advise you to, 'keep it moving'. Anyway I hope you enjoy the read and please R&R

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Finch had come to discover that Bear was a tell-tell sign that Mr. Reese had entered the room. So when Bear, who had been enjoying his rub down by Shaw, immediately rushed towards the entrance Finch didn't bother looking up from his task. Though he did briefly eye Shaw, who had let out an annoyed grumble over the fact that Mr Reese was, and probably shall always be, Bear's favorite. The truth was Finch only knew of one person who Bear seemed to take to more than Reese, and that was Carter. But he wouldn't tell that info to the oft time overly eager assassin in the room.

"Look who's back from their mini vacation," Shaw tossed out.

"Shaw," John tossed back in greeting but she only rolled her eyes from where John stood stroking Bear behind the ears, over to where Finch sat typing away on his computer.

"Can I take one now?" She asked, half joking. Finch arched a brow and raised his head as he thought on the idea.

"I don't see why not, Mr. Reese has been gone for a full week, during which time you have had to pull double duties." Finch stated as he turned his stiff neck to look at Shaw, who had stood and made her way towards him.

"Seriously?" She asked doubtfully. Though Finch couldn't imagine that she could think anyone would kid with her in such a manner, he had seen the woman's temper from just having to wait on a ticket in the 'Candy Rush' game.

"Absolutely," Finch confirmed. "How about a one week, 7 days, 6 nights all expense paid trip to any place of your choosing?"

"Is he fucking with me right now?" Shaw directed this to Reese, who had moved closer to Finch's work station.

"No, Finch is even more humorless than you are Shaw," He replied with a thin smirk. "I don't think he knows how to joke."

"Anywhere I want to go, right?" She reiterated, her eyes spoke of her excitement even though her facial expression gave nothing away.

"Just name the location and I will take care of your means of transportation and the proper paperwork you will need." Finch assured.

"OK, Vegas." Shaw announced and Both Finch and Reese regarded her disbelievingly.

"I offer to send you anywhere in the world, all expenses paid and you choose Las Vegas?" Finch questioned.

"What's wrong with Vegas?" Shaw asked with more than her usual attitude, rolling her neck a bit.

"Oh nothing," Finch quickly said as he turned back to his computer screen and started typing away again. After a few seconds he spoke again. "Your flight has been booked as well as your room at the MGM Grand hotel. By the time you arrive home to pack a courier should have already left you a package with your plane ticket and fake credentials. As well as some funny money." Finch stated as he once again looked at the only woman in the room. Shaw eyed him suspiciously for a split second before she rushed from the room without saying a word. "You're welcome." Finch mumbled out as he turned back to the screen to continue his work on another matter.

"Wow that was nice of you Finch." Reese said as he regarded the small man before him.

"Believe me it was more for my benefit than Shaw's," Finch said. "I know we thought she might be a valuable resource in our operation but her 'many' volatile sides, has me strongly questioning that idea."

"Give her a bit more acclimation time Finch, she'll come around." Reese replied though he really didn't have much faith that she would. Giving Shaw a purpose was just his way of paying it forward from Finch giving him a purpose when he was lost.

"Anyway, have you made any progress on our latest number?"

"Nothing much. I spent most of the afternoon at the Flashdancers Strip Club." Reese said, frowning in remembrance. "The only altercation I saw was when our Ms. Jackson complained to her boss about her hours. Apparently she can make more money during the night time hours, when their clients don't have to rush back to work after their lunch break."

"Do you think her boss might be a possible threat?"

"No, he invited her to leave if she wanted and made a comment on her skills, or lack there of. She's not the greatest dancer or even a really good one. No Ms. Jackson needs him more than he needs her." Reese said as he tossed Bears ball and then watched as the large Shepard charged down a darkened row of books in search of it. "Fusco is watching her apartment for a couple of hours, until she's gone to bed, then I'll pick things back up tomorrow."

"Good," Finch nodded. "But you could have told me that over the phone, instead of coming all the way back here. Was there something that you needed Mr. Reese?" Finch asked genuinely as he focused on the man standing in front of him, who was playing a game of fetch with Bear.

"I needed to say that I'm sorry Finch," He replied as Finch stared at him perplexed. "I'm sorry for abandoning you for an entire week and for shooting at you."

"Oh," Finch blew out as he turned again to his PC. "There's really no need for an apology Mr. Reese, we all need a break from time to time. It is I who should apologize to you for not offering you an all expense paid vacation before, but I will add that to the itinerary. As for shooting at me...well I never feared that you actually intended to shoot me. Although I was quiet concerned with your aiming given the state you were in."

"I have a great aim, Finch, even while drunk." Reese commented around a small smile.

"Yes well for which I can assure you I am very grateful for. I'm just glad to see you back and looking better than the last time I saw you." Finch said as he turned briefly and let his eyes roam over Reese's frame. "Glad that Carter was able to get through to you, though I must admit I did try to deter her from going to see you, but she can be 'determined' at times. And to be perfectly honest she scares me even more that Shaw does." Reese had to smile at that and he also agreed on all counts.

"Yeah Carter got through, and she made me realize a few things that helped me." Reese commented as he remember the feel of Carter's body against his, her smell, the taste of her which he'd swear still lingered in his mouth from their earlier morning kiss. He has to close his eyes a moment to shake the vivid imagery his thoughts were creating, and to recollect himself.

"I'm glad." Finch replied as he finished shutting down the computers. "Well I think we shall call it a night. I'll go check on our 'guest' first. You should head home and get some rest too Mr. Reese, you're still looking a little tired."

"I'm fine Finch." Reese assured around a smirk. "I have a stop to make and then I'll head home. Did you need me to stick around while you check on our 'guest'?" He offered.

"No thank you, I can handle it." Finch said as he walked of and disappeared behind some columns of books, which Bear close at his feet. Reese watched until his friend disappeared and then he headed out into the crisp night air.

* * *

Sometime Later

* * *

The last person she had expected to see standing outside her front door looking like a drowned rat was John Reese.

"John," Carter spoke to him as she opened the door. John's eyes instantly roamed over her petite frame and delighted seeing her in something so casual. Who knew a simple white tank and small Army shorts could look so sexy, he pondered. "What are you doing here?" Carter's voice pulled him from his naughty thoughts.

"I'm sorry, I probably should have called first," Reese said apologetically as he took a step back with the intent to turn and just leave.

"NO!" Carter replied a bit louder than she had intended as her hand shot out and grasped the sleeve of the coat Reese wore, stilling his retreat. "Come in," She said as she stepped back and to the side to allow him entrance. Reese toss her a gentle smile as he crossed her threshold. He remained near the door as Carter locked it and then turned to face him.

"Looks like I'm making a mess here." He tossed out as he looked down at the pool of water forming at his feet, that dripped from his soaked clothes.

"Don't worry about it," Carter spoke as she place her right hand at the small of his back and pushed him further into the house. "Why don't you go warm yourself by the fire I just started, and I'll go get you a towel." She said as she moved off towards an adjoining hallway as Reese moved into the living area, right up to the blazing cozy fire. "I'll see if I can find a shirt that you can change into." Carter called out from somewhere in the back of the house. After a few minutes Carter returned to find Reese standing at the fire, warming his hands. "Here's a couple of towels to dry yourself off, let me take your coat." They exchanged the items. Carter moved and placed his coat on the back of a nearby wooden chair and slid it closer to the fire so it could dry. Reese used the towels on his wet head and then patted at his body to absorb the water that still trickled down to the hardwood floor. "Oh and I found an large shirt if you want to change..." Reese stared at the men's shirt with distain, which Carter took notice of and quickly began to explain. "Oh it's mine...and...you know...not someone else's." She assured him and Reese inwardly swallowed down a feeling he wasn't ready to claim. "I sometimes buy the extra large men tees to use as night dresses, to sleep in." Again Reese's face took on a look but this time she couldn't quite read it. "It's clean fresh out of the pack, I haven't even slept in that one yet." There was another look from Reese that Carter could clearly see was a look of disappointment. She coyly averted her eyes and tried to hold in the smile that wanted out at the revelation that Reese actually seemed disappointed that she hadn't slept in the shirt she had given him to wear. "I don't have any pants in your size sorry, so you'll have to stay close to the fire so they can dry." She announced as he began to unbutton his dress shirt and pulled it off. He tossed the wet shirt a top his coat near the fire.

"That's fine, thank you." Reese said with a gentle smile as he reached down and tugged up his damp undershirt. When he pulled the shirt fully from his upper body Carter couldn't help but to gawk at his muscular frame.

"Oh sweet baby Jesus." She blurted out in a hushed voice to herself, in appreciation of his physique and Reese pretended he hadn't heard her. Reese used the towels to slowly dab at his dampened skin, putting on a bit of a show and Carter had to close her eyes a moment to regain her composure. "Uhm...Hmmm...So what brings you by John?" She asked as she zoomed in on just his eyes, willing her mind to not allow her eyes to drift any lower.

"I will be needing your help soon." Reese stated as he finally pulled the tee over his head.

"A new number?" She asked as she moved to the large hearth and sat down at the base, in front of the blazing fire. She then waved a gesture to Reese offering for him to do the say, to which he complied. He sat down in front of the fire a couple of feet from Carter.

"Numbers, looks like we're going to have to partner up more this coming week, like old times." He said around a smile that Carter matched. "Finch has sent Shaw away on vacation for a week." Reese explained.

"All expenses paid I bet." Carter cut in. "Why don't I qualify for those perks?" She joked knowing she'd never take such an offer from Finch anyway.

"Just say when and where Joss," Reese declared as he tossed her a smirk. "As far as Shaw, I think that was more about Finch needing a break. I think he might have paid just about anything to get her out of town for a few days."

"Shaw isn't bad once you get to know her and you know, you and she...you two do have a lot in common, I'm actually surprise that..." She shook her head a bit and then put an end to the thought and her words.

"Shaw is not my type." Reese stated fully understanding what Carter was getting at. "I like my women 'softer', literally and figuratively and honestly I don't think Shaw is either."

"Well you have to admit she cleans up pretty nicely, remember the case we had on Ian Murphy...now admit it Shaw was looking good that night."

"Yes, from the neck down...but I knew that Ian wouldn't choose her because he was the kind of guy who wanted a lady he could protect."

"Yeah well Shaw's definitely not 'that girl', she has some pretty sweet arsenal to protect herself." Carter said having seen and been very impressed by Shaw's gun collection. "But you know I'm not really the 'damsel in distress' kind of woman either, so if that's what you're saying Ian was looking for then why didn't he pick Zoe?" She asked curious to hear Reese discuss Zoe and the obvious relationship the two seemed to have.

"Zoe probably intimidated him, she's a bit..." He paused searching for the right word.

"High maintenance?" Carter replied for him.

"I was actually going to say snobbish, but high maintenance is a nicer description I suppose."

"Ok so you're saying that he picked me because I came across as this 'easy' woman who needed a man's protection? Seriously John...how long have you known me?" She asked around a laugh and Reese began shaking his head in protest as he smiled.

"No he picked you because of that leather dress you were wearing and for the soft curls you had in your hair," Reese said as he reached out and brushed aside some of the hair that lay carelessly across her forehead. Carter gulped down a lump that instantly formed in her throat at feeling his touch, and then rubbed her arm briefly to shove away the goosebumps. "At the end of the day Ian was just your typical male who wanted the hottest female in the room. I was watching and every guy there was watching you and wanted to approach you, Ian was just the only one with the balls to do it."

"So what's the deal with you and Zoe?" Carter asked suddenly as she changed the focus on the conversation full of complements that were making her swoon. She thought it was time to turn the tables and throw Reese off his game a bit. "You two seem...close."

"We're...'friends'," He answered as honestly as he could.

"Hmm...did you just say 'friends' with 'benefits? 'Cause I could have sworn that's what I heard." She teased a bit and tried to hide her disappointment.

"We spend time...together...on occasions." Reese again answered as honestly as he could, he could sense that this topic was going to probably end badly for him.

"Uh...huh, well you two are consenting adults and if that's how you wanna roll, then I say more power to you. But I'm not 'that' kind of woman John, I won't be your new fuck buddy or your side piece when Zoe isn't available. So if that's what you're doing, with all the kissing..." Her words died on her lips as said kissing suddenly commenced, when Reese shot his hand out, gripped her by the back of the head, and pulled her mouth against his. The kiss was more carnal this time as Reese tried to pour everything he was feeling into the kiss. After several moments and just when the kiss got deep He pulled back and a panting Carter, whose body shook with need, stared across the hearth at him with eyes full of surprise, anger, and want.

"I'm not looking for you to be a stand in for Zoe, you two aren't even in the same league," He stated. "She's not in 'your' league Joss." He quickly added seeing the sudden hurt in her eyes at his words. "Zoe is...was what I thought I needed...what I deserved. She was willing to spend time with me but she doesn't want a lasting relationship, not with me at least. And that was perfect because I felt the same way. When those kinds of romantic feelings get involved people can get hurt, I learned that the hard way with Jessica. So after Jessica's death I tried to drown those feelings with alcohol and eventually I was able to close them off. Then I met you." He spoke the last part in a hushed voice. "And I tried Joss, I tried so fucking hard not to feel for you. At first I thought it would be easy since you deemed me public enemy number one, and started hunting me, but then that chase started becoming the highlight of my day. I enjoyed our cat and mouse game, and I could tell you did too." Carter nodded her head at his true words but remained silence as he continued. "Then when your number came up...and when I saw you get shot." He clamped his eyes shut as he recalled that moment, a moment that still cause him nightmares some nights. "It was then that I realized..." He opened his wet eyes and locked his eyes to hers, and it was if neither could look away, not even if they wanted to. "I would move heaven and Earth, and sell my soul to the Devil for you." A tightness gripped Carter's chest at hearing his words.

"What are you saying John, what do you want from me?" Carter asked point blank wanting him to just tell her what he wanted.

"I want to kiss you every single time I see you," He confessed. "I want to make you laugh, I want to protect you when you're scared, and hold you when you're hurt...I want to love you and to be loved by you."


	5. Chapter 5 (Intermission)

Author's Note: another short 'filler' piece that will lead to bigger things :) thank you guys for the lovely review, please keep them coming.

* * *

"Wait...wait...wait, John...John Reese said all of that to you and you just...kicked him out?" Zoe Morgan asked the nubian woman seated across from her in disbelief, as she took another sip from the Martini she had ordered.

"Well that explains why he's been more 'broody' than usual, since I got back from Vegas." Shaw put out there as she then gulped down the rest of her beer, drinking it straight from the bottle.

"No...I didn't just kick him out," Carter said defensively as she picked her fingers through the bowl of olives she had been eating. "I just told him that I think we should remain just friends. And I have to point out how awkward it is having this conversation with you." She addressed Zoe.

"Why because John and I slept together a few times?" Zoe asked dismissively with a slight eye roll.

"Well...yeah," Carter replied.

"I have to agree, not only is it weird...the idea of Reese having sex," Shaw interjected as she frowned up at the thoughts her words conjured. "Let alone with you..." She added.

"Gee, thanks," Zoe cut in though she wasn't the least bit offended.

"It's also very weird that you are so ok with hearing that the man was just using you for sex, as a substitute because he couldn't have what he really wanted." Then for effect Shaw waved her hand at Carter, who in turn dramatically rolled her eyes at the younger woman. "If it were me I'd be kicking both their asses." She ended by picking up the fresh beer that the waitress had just brought her.

"Yeah I'd like to see you try it." Carter said jokingly around a smile as a smile also played on Shaw's lips as well.

"Look we're all adults here, yes John and I had a thing, and please note I said 'had' because he cut that off a few weeks back and now I understand why." Zoe smiled and batted her lashes playfully at Carter who in turned chuckled at this woman who had become a friend. "But there's no hard feelings. Don't get me wrong that sex is...ladies it is the creme de la creme," Zoe confessed almost dreamily. "But nothing that would make me fall head over heels over. And certainly nothing that I would ever fight another woman for. Sometimes we all have an itch that just needs scratching."

"Amen!" Shaw barked out raising her beer bottle in an imaginary toast. "And I am long overdue for a scratch, and I think I see someone who can help me out." Shaw said then finished off her beer, smacked the empty bottle atop the table in the bar they had met up in. "Now if you ladies will excuse me," She then left their table and made her way to the corner of the bar. Carter and Zoe watched Shaw as she talked up some guy and then grabbed him by the collar and pulled him from his table and to the exit without protest, leaving the guy's stunned date seated there, staring after them in disbelief.

"Wow, poor girl." Zoe said as she looked at the young woman left alone on the verge of tears.

"I feel more sorry for the guy." Carter stated as she sipped from her bottle of beer. "Shaw is like a Praying Mantis, and I'm suddenly very glad I'm off duty tomorrow, so I won't get 'that' call."

"So you have tomorrow off and the night is still young, why the hell are you sitting here with me, when we both know that there is a very fine specimen of a man out there who wants to be with you." Zoe asked bringing their conversation back to a certain man in a suit.

"I can't be with 'that' man." Carter stated.

"Why not?" Zoe asked as she hunched are shoulders a bit and leaned in over the table more, looking as if Carter was about to drop some big secret on her.

"I have a son to think of." Carter said.

"Whom you've already said really likes John." Zoe countered.

"I'm a cop and he's a wanted man." Carter continued.

"He's a good man and you know it, next," Zoe then picked up her martini and took another small sip. Carter threw her a smile and squinted one eye menacingly at her.

"I'm afraid," Carter finally confessed the true reason she had turned John away. "I haven't been with a man since Taylor's father, and he was my first and 'only'." Carter announced in a lowered voice.

"Wait you told John no because your cooch hasn't had much practice? Don't get me wrong the man is hung very well, so it might hurt a bit, but I promise you it'll fit." Zoe spoke around a delighted giggle.

"It's not that...ok it's partially that," Carter admitted and earned more giggling from Zoe, which made her even giggle some. "But it's also the emotional aspects. If I fall for John..."

"If? Jocelyn dear, you 'have' already fallen for him and he for you. So what are you 'really' afraid of?" Zoe questioned and Carter paused a moment before she answered.

"I'm afraid of giving myself fully to a relationship with John and then losing him. He is a wanted man, wanted by every major agency in America, probably even more around the world. He also has a very dangerous occupation. I've seen him get shot up, hell It was because of me that..." Carter stopped talking, closed her eyes, and tried to shake those memories from her head. "I just don't want to open myself up for that kind of loss, that pain...not again."

"So you think being alone for the rest of your life is the better option? I'm sure John probably has those same fears about you, you're a cop Joss and that's a dangerous occupation as well, but he's still willing to take a chance." Zoe spoke more softly to her friend. Zoe's words touched something in Carter. Carter suddenly realized that John was willing to risk the loss and hurt again, after Jessica. He wanted to love again, to love 'her'. "If you live your life being afraid to love, then you're not living. C'mon none of us will live forever, so live, love, laugh for as long as you can."

"I'm an idiot," Carter groaned out as she let her head fall forward for a second before she lifted it and locked her wet eyes to Zoe. "John, the most closed off and socially awkward man I have ever met, opened himself to me and I rejected him." Carter had to swallow down the tears and the scream that wanted out. "He probably won't take another chance on me."

"Oh I wouldn't be so sure. As you said the man isn't touchy, feely, and him telling you that he loves you is a big thing for him."

"He didn't say those exact words," Carter interjected.

"Yes he did, the only way 'he' knows how too. So you must be something pretty special to him, and he won't just stop feeling the way he feels about you after a couple of weeks. So go get your man girl." Zoe said around a huge smile. A matching smile graced Carter's face as well.

"How?" Carter asked genuinely wanting some guidance. "Just show up at his door and say, 'sorry I rejected you, please give me another chance'?"

"No just walk over to him, grab him by the shoulders and kiss him like he's never been kissed before, then take him home and have your way with him." Zoe said as she began slipping on her jacket and gathering up her belongings. "He's sitting in the back booth near the back exit, he came in a split second before you arrived, Shaw spotted him. He's probably been following you all night." Zoe said with a smile and a nod of her head, Carter turned her gaze to the back area but it was too dimly lit to make out anything. Yet she could suddenly feel that John was there as Zoe claimed. "I've gotta go, have fun." Zoe threw Carter a wink, glanced briefly towards the back of the bar to bid John adieu, and then she left the bar. Carter took a deep breath, finished off her beer, and then stood and moved to the back of the bar. She had expected to find only an empty booth, feeling sure that John would slip away having been spotted, but he was still seated there with his head bowed over a glass of beer. She slid into the booth beside him and he looked at her warily, readying to apologize for following her, but she cut off his words by slowly leaning in and capturing his lips in a soft kiss. Reese's body and mind became filled with elation but he resisted grabbing at Carter, that was until he heard her moan out her pleasure. Then swiftly he yanked her closer, buried his fingers into her thick hair, and deepened the kiss. When they finally pulled away they remained fused at their foreheads, both staring at the other's lips hungrily as they panted out hot air against the other's face.

"Zoe says that I should take you back to my place and make love to you," Carter spoke and Reese's cock instantly harden just from hearing her words. He didn't dare speak, too afraid to scare her off. "But...your place is closer." She finished and then watched his reaction under her hooded eyes. Reese swooped in quickly placing a simple peck upon Carter's lips, and then he slid from the booth and pulled Carter out behind him, by their intertwined fingers. He led then out the back exit and into the cool night air.


End file.
